How does someone live with so much hatred in the soul? Do you never do anything out of good intentions (whatever this may be, perhaps for once to do something for someone other than yourself. Maybe.)? How can one live with this sort of claustrophobic force that weighs down on you so relentlessly. It is so encompassing, this feeling, so draining and calculated. So, so negative. Still, perhaps it is the easier option to choose than to open your heart to the possibility of loving (anything). Why? Is it fear that stops us from caring for others because we are too afraid of being hurt? Is it experience that makes one jaded to kindness? Is it insecurity that doubts the plausibility that one might be loved? Is it selfishness that makes one believe that love is limited and should be reserved for oneself?
No, no-wait-I think I have got this all wrong; I have got it the wrong way round the entire time—It is not hatred that you live with, it is not hatred by which you live. Of course, not. It is too much love, for yourself. Nothing else matters but yourself. Then, how is it that you are so bitter towards everything? Maybe because it is hard to believe that the world does not love you quite the same way you love yourself?
For the longest time, I told myself to let the positive vibes outweigh the darkness that you bring. For the longest time, I told myself that there must be good in everyone, but sometimes life makes you forget that. For the longest time, I hoped for the best.
And it finally hit me today.
You are the black hole, and nothing, not even light can escape you.
Be careful, for one day, you might swallow yourself whole.
Maybe I will not feel like this about you tomorrow.
Maybe. But today, I need to remind myself.